Beat Me Up

Anyone who watched American Idol Season 8 probably remembers Allison Iraheta, the spunky young redhead who made it to the top 4. Allison turned 17 during the competition, wowing the judges and fans with her voice and likeable personality. After the show she signed with a contract, recorded and debuted her first album, Just Like You on 12/1/09. It sold around 32,000 copies its first week, putting

I purchased the cd to give as a Christmas gift. After bringing it home I looked Allison up on iTunes to hear some clips, and then searched to read some lyrics to her songs, specifically a song that caught my eye titled “Beat Me Up” It was an upbeat and catchy tune in the clip I heard, and I couldn’t imagine it was really about being beat up, I figured “beat” must be referring to the musical term rather than a term of violence. However, this is what I read:

You like to keep me on a chain, chain, chain
Change your mind
Or change your ways, ways, ways
You got me going through a maze, maze, maze
I know this isn't just a phase, phase, phase
You always pick me up
And then you hold me down
I'll never let you go

Cuz baby even though you beat me up, beat me up
I still love you cuz you heat me up, heat me up
And then so every time you hit me up, hit me up
I come running cuz you fix me up, fix me up
Oh baby just beat me up, beat me up
Oh baby just beat me up, beat me up

You always make me do those things, things, things
Shut me up
And then make me sing, sing, sing
You love it when I scream your name, name, name
But you get your fix out of causing me pain, pain, pain

I really don't care what they say about me
Cuz he gives me everything I want
And they don't know what its like when you need somebody
To the point they can do no wrong
We always fight and then I open up my door

Oh baby just beat me up, beat me up
I still love you cuz you heat me up, heat me up
And then so every time you hit me up, hit me up I come running cuz you fix me up, fix me up
Oh baby just beat me up, beat me up
Oh baby just beat me up, beat me up
Oh baby just beat me up, beat me up

I love you even though you beat me up

I was literally floored by the blatant violence this song depicts, the picture of a distorted and unhealthy relationship that craves pain and accepts it as normal – and even necessary to continue the relationship. All this being sung by a 17 year old girl and marketed to teenage girls.

Through my previous and current jobs I have had a lot of exposure to the astonishing prevalence of domestic violence. It is extremely common in teenage dating relationships, so common the girls do not know it is not how things are supposed to be.

Real quick, here are some statistics on domestic violence, as well as teen dating abuse.

• One out of two women will experience domestic abuse at least once their marriage.
  
• Domestic violence claims the lives of four women each day
• More women are killed by their partners than by muggings, rapes and auto accidents combined.
  
• 75% of all 911 calls are domestic abuse calls.
  
• Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women between the ages of 15-44.
  
• 65% of emergency room visits by women are for injuries sustained during domestic violence.
• The loss in productivity due to absenteeism, employee turnover and health care expenses from domestic violence costs U.S corporations between $3 and $5 billion annually.
  
• 60% of violent homes where the female partner is beaten so are the children.

(Stats from http://www.nottopeoplelikeus.com/body/profiles.html#signs)

And when it comes to violence in teen relationships…a survey was conducted in 2006 by the Teenage Research Unlimited which indicates...

• 1 in 5 teens who have been in a serious relationship report being hit, slapped or pushed by a partner.
• 1 in 3 girls who have been in a serious relationship say they’ve been concerned about being physically hurt by their partner.
• 1 in 4 teens who have been in a serious relationship say their boyfriend or girlfriend has tried to prevent them from spending time with friends or family; the same number have been pressured to only spend time with their partner.
• 1 in 3 girls between the ages of 16 and 18 say sex is expected for people their age if they’re in a relationship; half of teen girls who have experienced sexual pressure report they are afraid the relationship would break up if they did not give in.
• Nearly 1 in 4 girls who have been in a relationship (23%) reported going further sexually than they wanted as a result of pressure.
  

(Stats from http://www.loveisrespect.org/is-this-abuse/dating-abuse-fast-facts/)

If I didn’t see evidence of this every day I would have a hard time believing it exists, and even talking to the victims it’s hard for me to understand. But, when taking into account the high occurrences of domestic violence between adults – which many of these teens have witnessed – it makes a little more sense. And add to that how common it is to see celebrities engaged in domestic violence, songs and movies portraying it as normal.

In 1999 Whitney Houston spoke about the violence between her and Bobby Brown as “…when we're fighting, it's like that's love for us”. And think of the popular children’s movie, “Beauty and the Beast” which essentially teaches girls they should tolerate domestic violence and stay with their abusers until they change and then they will live happily ever after.

Why must it be like this? Why do teens experiences violence in their relationships and not only endure it but accept the abuse behavior it as normal? Why do they continue to stay in a relationship in which they feel unsafe and threatened?

For Additional Information:
“Love is Respect” http://www.loveisrespect.com/
“Take Back The Night” http://www.takebackthenight.org/index.html
“National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center” http://www.safeyouth.org/scripts/index.asp
“Love is Not Abuse” http://www.loveisnotabuse.com/